Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
