Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
