"it" just moved
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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