yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
