i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The uberlube is also flammable
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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