I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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