pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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