someone owes me an orgasm
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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