His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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