WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
