I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
