fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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