Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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