If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
