i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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