Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
