There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
