Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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