Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
