Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
