I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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