They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
