I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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