I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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