I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
