I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
