come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it