who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
