Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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