he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
