i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
