Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
