Small penises have feelings too.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
