his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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