Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
