I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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