I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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