its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
