i just google imaged poop.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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