Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
