i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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