puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
