there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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