Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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