Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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