i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
