It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
