Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
