Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
