i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
