I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
