I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
