hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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