Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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