So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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