I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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