I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
