I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
