Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
