Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
