just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
