I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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