My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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