I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
