there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
