just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
