Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You smell like stripper and shame
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
