No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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