Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
