I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
