No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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