The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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