Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
