gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
