i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Are my feet made of real feet?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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