I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i believe in u and ur pee
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
