i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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