she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
