OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
