Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize